Severus Snape: The Play
by AppleJuiceMaster
Summary: The Gryffindors have a crazy show about Snape's past. That about sums it up.


I do not own any of the characters. If I would, I'd be really rich. But I'm not. Catch my drift?  
The Gryffindor common room became quiet when Colin Creevey appeared on stage. 'This is the story about a mean man's past, Severus Snape. This is the *truth*.' He walked of the stage, and Hermoine came on, wearing a long black wig and a pillow under her robes.  
  
Hermoine: My name is Severa Snape. I accidentally got pregnant. Since I do not know anything about abortions, being the pureblood that I am, I have to keep the baby. Damn.  
  
She walked away. Colin got on stage again, holding up a sign, saying 'Eleven years later.'  
  
Harry came on, his black hair hanging down, with much gel in it, so it shined a lot. The Gryffindors started laughing.  
  
'Hey look it is I, Severus Snape. I am a greasy, disgusting blacked haired boy. I've just been accepted at Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizarding. Hooray.' He said, staring into the crowd, with no emotions or whatsoever.  
  
Everyone already laughed their asses off, but Harry was in total control. (He found a 'Serious Charm' and used it on all the 'actors')  
  
Ron came on stage, with a long, blonde wig and a cane with a stuffed snake on it.  
  
'Why look, it's my best and only friend - Lucius Malfoy!' Harry said, looking at Ron. 'How are you today?' Ron showed no emotions. 'I am fine, as always. Look at my tight Malfoy butt!'  
  
He turned around and bowed forward, so the crowd could see his butt.  
  
'That is very fine indeed.' Harry replied, making the crowd roar with laughter again.  
  
'But what I was going to tell you, I have been accepted at Hogwarts.' Ron said, looking at Harry again. 'Me too.' He replied.  
  
They both spoke, not enthusiastic at all. 'Hooray.'  
Colin walked on stage again, holding up a sign with '7 Years later.'  
  
'This is our last year at Hogwarts.' "Snape" said to "Lucius".  
  
'Yes. It is. Shall we play Spin The Bottle, since it is our last year?' He suggested. 'All right.'  
  
Hermoine came on stage, again, this time wearing a long, blonde wig.  
  
'This is Narcissa. She is in our class. I guess you knew that already.' Ron introduced Hermoine.  
  
'Hello, Narcissa, want to play Spin The Bottle with us, to celebrate the last year at Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizarding?' Harry asked. 'Okey dokey!' Hermoine replied.  
  
Ron spun a bottle, it landed on Harry. 'What is your deepest secret?' He asked.  
  
'I am in love with you.' Everyone laughed their asses off, and those who didn't, *did* when they saw Harry's serious face.  
  
'That is too bad. Because I am going to marry Narcissa next year.' Ron said. Harry tried to look disappointed. 'Damn. I think I shall become evil, then!'  
  
Lucius and Narcissa left the stage.  
  
Fred, wearing long black robes with a hood and a white mask, walked towards Harry.  
  
'I am Lord Voldemort. Fear me.'  
  
Harry looked at him. 'I do not. Instead, I shall join you as a Death Eater, because I am so upset over the whole Lucius thing. When your might ends, I'll say I was spying for the good side.'  
  
Colin walked past *once again* and held a sign with 'About 10 years later...'  
Fred lay on the ground. Harry stood next to him. 'Lord Voldemort is dead. Damn. Now I'll become a teacher at Hogwarts.'  
  
AND ONCE AGAIN, Colin walked past with a sign 'ELEVEN YEARS LATER!'  
  
George came on stage, his hair slicked back, blonde. (It was magical dye, it would disappear after the performance)  
  
Harry pointed at him. 'It is Draco Malfoy, son of my one and only true love. I'll give him good grades to impress Lucius, so he will leave Narcissa and become *my* husband. I am so smart.' He looked at George.  
  
'Hey, Malfoy kid!' George looked back. 'Yes, sir?' 'Six hundred points for Slytherin, for that fine Malfoy ass!' Some people in the crowd started hyperventilating from laughing so hard.  
  
George replied with 'Why, thank you sir! I'll tell my father about your compliment.' and walked off stage.  
  
Harry looked at the crowd again, who were all hysterical. 'I told you this would work.'  
********************Intermission*********************** . . . . . . .  
  
~Heh, silly me... Hmm, I know this "story" is kind of crappy, but hey, I was a bit drunk, when I wrote this, okay! I guess it's worth a giggle. Or maybe not. Tell me. REVIEW! (I'm desperate about reviews, I love it when I get one, it really makes me day...) ~ 


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